Photo-A-Day, And So Forth.

Posted on February 1, 2014

On my Instagram I have decided to take part in a photo-a-day challenge for the month of February. I like doing these, a lot. I am doing it there, but I think I’m going to go a step further and write an accompanying blog post over here as well. I can’t guarantee that the post will be long I will try to write a post that is themed according to the day, the photo challenge I’m doing is by the instagrammer fatmumslim who does challenges every month apparently with the hashtag #fmsphotoaday :8dc142e68aef11e3bb680ee50d64ca74_8

1. you

2. favorite

3. something orange

4. childhood

5. square

6. C is for…

7. utensil

8. water – 9. details – 10. i am… – 11. mistake – 12. out + about

13. perfect – 14. heart – 15. my drink of choice – 16. create

17. vegetable – 18. magic – 19. feet – 20. peace – 21. funny

22. an act of kindness – 23. this is where i relax! – 24. half – 25. cut

26. light – 27. my view today – 28. reflection


I admit, I have no idea how in the  world I’m going to write about some of these, for example day 24, half, but that is part of what makes it a challenge! All in all I think it will be fun!

Day 1. you. (Post-A-Day)

Posted on February 1, 2014

day 1. youYou, in this case, I believe, refers to me. A fine topic, to be sure, and for many people, myself included, a rather familiar topic, and one we do enjoy talking about. The question, I suppose, is what does one say on a post about oneself? The problem is we are as inclined to understand ourselves as not. On one hand we do tend to be very good about understanding ourselves, what we like and dislike, and so forth. On the other hand, we tend to not understand ourselves either by accident or design, at all. By accident or design? Yes, sometimes we are blind because we simply do not understand what it is that is within us or that we desire, etc. Other times, we are willingly blind to it, we are vaguely aware of an aspect about ourselves but for whatever reason are unwilling to acknowledge its presence. No doubt, we are complicated creatures, and quite capable of believing our own cover stories. Something we tend to do quite a bit. As for myself, the intended audience and subject of this post. (That’s a bit odd isn’t it?) I believe that there is still much about myself that I do not understand, and I know I have a secretive nature, it is my natural tendency to seek to hide behind some mask or other, even from myself, and as such of all the people I distrust, I distrust myself the most, I know myself enough to know what I am capable of telling myself, and all thoughts must be examined to determine what is the intent behind it. I imagine this is how it is for most people, though I’m not entirely certain that it is always a noticed part of oneself.

Nevertheless, I do enjoy talking about myself. I tend to refer to myself as you sometimes, unfortunately. I remember as a child, seeing my shadow, and sometimes shadows have more than one copy, there are two or three of them if the lighting is right. One time I had three, and I remember thinking that each one was representative of a different part of myself, as though I had more than one of myself inside me, but they could only be seen as a shadow. That was my childhood explanation of the shadow of myself. He would follow me everywhere too. Sometimes, I wonder if I had a more accurate view of myself as a child than I do now. Not that I believe my shadow is another being that is also myself anymore, but that there is more aspects to the human than what is seen at a glance. I can’t remember what they all are, but I remember coming up with at least seven distinct aspects of the human person once: I think it was something like Mind, Body, Soul, Spirit, Heart, Flesh, and Emotion-Intelligence. Perhaps the reason I have never been troubled about the notion of a triune God is that the idea of many in one was such a natural concept to me as a child.

But, those were all I suppose, theories formed to make sense of a world. Imagination of a child trying to understand the world. Yet, I miss it, the world seemed to make more sense through the lens of imagination and ideas that didn’t make immediate sense than it does to me now. Now, I feel like I struggle to understand the small things rather than attempting to make sense of everything and coming up with unusual solutions to everyday problems. Sometimes, I suppose, it is necessary for us to grow up, but what does that mean? Sometimes I feel like it means I have to become more ignorant. Honestly, it’s hard to grow up and hang on to wonder, but I think it can be done. It’s a fight, true, but it can be done. I think it’s the fight to hang on to wonder that has altered my viewpoint on somethings. For example, I did not believe in Santa Claus as a child, curiously, I am much more inclined to believe in Santa Claus now than I was as a child. Do I really believe that Santa lives at the north pole, and flies with his reindeer everywhere? No, not really, yet at the same time, sort of, yes.

Anyways, back to the subject of the post: Me. Last I checked, I’m not Santa Claus. (At least insofar as I’m aware of.) I really, over the past year, have realized that I am a human being. You might be saying ‘well duh!’ but honestly, it’s a hard view to come to. What do I mean. A lot of times forces both internal and external fight against our identity as such. Internally we tend to either desire ourselves to be a god, or we demean ourselves as some kind of monster, externally, we tend to be torn down by many things, society, other people, and so forth. Dehumanizing of people takes many, many, forms. We may be externally exalted more than is proper as well, but more often we are dehumanized. Our actual identity as a human being can sometimes get lost in the noise of the constant screaming that we are not either one way or the other. I have been becoming more comfortable with the idea of simply being human, and it is something that when acknowledged brings contentment.

Day 2. favourite. (Post-A-Day)

Posted on February 2, 2014

IMG_4303The things I regard as favourites, quite truthfully are many indeed.

I seek beauty and truth and goodness and hope. It is not these that I regard as favourites, favourite is by far too small a word for it, for the wholeness of these things are not found within the realm of this present universe, and by comparison the universe itself is but a small and passing thing, here for but a moment and then gone forever. No, it is not these things that are my favourites. It is those things I find along the way in the pursuit of them.

My favourite, humm, I suppose it would be a post that is something along the lines of what is known as a ‘things I love’ post. AKA. A list of things that are ones favourite things, to my mind, it is a rather boring way of writing about the subject, but hey, sometimes boring is necessary. I’m going to keep it somewhat short, and probably add to it from time to time as I think of things. :-)

My Favourite List: (As opposed to those other list.)

Grocery Store: Wegmans, of course. It’s a fun grocery store, and one of the places I most regularly shop. They have a fairly extensive selection of things. As far as the products sold, it is moderately good. I don’t mind the prices too much. My favourite part about Wegmans is the staff, which in most cases are very helpful and friendly.

Colours: I try to answer black on these things, but I’ve had a whole range of favorites from reds and oranges to pinks and purples, yellows and such, but I’ve never been crazy about green and blue, they’re alright as ‘supporting colours’, but I’m not really fond of them on their own. Black is still liked, but I’ve grown more fond of red and gold after I became interested in China. France and the T.A.R.D.I.S. have helped me like blue a bit more.

Foods: When I was younger the answer was more likely to be things like pizza and cheeseburgers, now, I’m not really that fond of either of them. My taste is much more inclined towards foods like fruits and vegetables and such. I think I changed taste quite a bit when I made a conscious effort to eat more nutritiously, and now I find I crave these kinds of foods and the idea of eating pizza is more of ‘if I’m forced to, I will.’ now.

Cultures: I know these are rather broad blanket statements here, but I am fond of most  East Asian and Western European cultures. Western European is mostly where my roots are, with the exception of the Ukraine and Americas. East Asia is where my heart is, I think. In particular I am interested in Chinese, Japanese, and South Korean cultures.

Countries: China, Japan, South Korea, France, Canada, United Kingdom, Ireland, Iceland, Germany.

Languages: Mandarin Chinese, French, Icelandic, Mongolian, Japanese, Korean, German and probably others I’ve not heard yet, or haven’t realized I like the sound of. Some of these I’ve been learning, like the Mandarin Chinese, French, and German, others I’ve not started learning but want to, and others I just like the sound of but do not intend to learn them anytime in the near future.

Drinks: Tea, Coffee, Hot Chocolate, and Seltzer water are things I drink most often. Out of those, tea is probably my favorite just because there is so much to choose from.

Cities: Paris, London, Tokyo, Beijing, Shanghai, Singapore, along with various other places I’ve never been. (I have never been in a single city, ever.)

Words: 爱, 你, 好, 你好, 我, enchanté, bonjour, ich, witzig, 妹妹, 姐姐, love, 水, magic, beauty, lovely, altogether, chicken, lantern, salut, 雪, magical, beautiful.

Television: Doctor Who. I was into Wibbly-Wobbly Timey-Whimy stuff for years before I found The Doctor, naturally, I enjoy this fine British television program. I enjoy most of the Mandarin Chinese television I’ve come across, though not a lot of French. Educational stuff has always been a bit of a favorite of mine.

Movies: The Hobbit, The Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, almost anything to do with Jane Austen.

Music: Most music, but not a lot of American Pop. I like some of Japanese, Korean, and Mandarin, but not American. Like some French. Outside of Pop, I like bits and piece of rock, mostly from the UK and Ireland. (I’m looking at you U2 in particular…) I like a bit of this and a bit of that in most genres, but as far as a particular favourite, I’ve not had something particular that I’ve really stuck with for years. Music, I have a complicated relationship with it. It’s like I think I like it, but don’t actually like the way most of it sounds once I listen to it.

Random Bits: The Oxford comma.

Hope to continue as I think of stuff.

Day 3. something orange. (Post-A-Day)

Posted on February 3, 2014

637f774c8d0011e3ab690ea951e5ff49_8Orange really is quite an interesting color, and I admit, I am rather fond of it. I have liked orange for quite a few years, but when putting together the graphic for this I saw that quite a few of my favorite things are in fact orange. Now, I also have to admit I do not really know what to write about in regard to the color, but that is todays challenge. :-)

I think that what they say about it being a happy, positive, sort of color is probably true. If nothing else orange does tend to hold a sort of comforting warmness to it. Our foyer is painted yellow and orange, and it is surprisingly relaxing and warm feeling as a result. Much more welcoming than it’s previous color, which was a blue. They say blue is calming, but I find it rather depressing, cold, and lifeless, especially in the lighter shades, the darker shades are not so bad.

Many of my favorite foods happen to be orange, pumpkin, oranges, sweet potatoes, carrots. They all come in orange.

What else can be said about the color? It’s a color, what is there to be said aside from how I like it? Of course there are things that are orange that I’m not particularly fond of too. For example I’m not really that fond of hunting apparel that is orange, though I understand its purpose. I do not like hunting myself, it is just not something I find to be very interesting, and I am not all that fond of killing things for sport, I suppose I would do it if I really, really, really needed to for survival, but just as a sport? Forget about it. Not that I’m one to condemn those who do enjoy it, or anything like that, it’s just for me, I have absolutely no attraction to it whatsoever.

Orange, still, is quite a nice color and its use in hunting apparel does not lessen my liking for it too much.

Day 4. childhood. (Post-A-Day)

Posted on February 4, 2014

851cd3228dc811e39dc812f864d4b6c0_8My childhood is one that I remember mostly with fondness, except for moments of painful shyness mostly, I do not have a lot of bad memories as a child, something which as I grow older I am thankful for, and I realize that not everyone has that. For many it is a dark time of life, and as such it is a stark reminder of the monstrosities that lie within the human heart that most of the darkness is caused by adults. Most of the horrors that befall children are caused by adults, whether it is through wars, man-induced famines, greed, and so forth, most of the time, it is adults and the adult world which brings harm to children. Even as a child I think I realized this, and it was not the bogyman or ghost that frightened me, it was adult human beings that frightened me mostly. But, I am getting a little off track here. Suffice it to say, my own good childhood gives me a reason to work towards the same for children now that I have grown into an adult myself. I remember enough of what it was like to be a child to know that it is not only a big scary world, sometimes it can also be enchanting. It is easy to remember the frightening times, and no doubt the world has become quite a scary place to be, but there were also a number of delightful times as well.

It is a funny thing for me to write about something that seems almost like another lifetime, one that I may have a distant thread of connection to, but for the most part it feels as though some other person lived it, not me. It feels more akin to something I read in a book perhaps than living memory, and perhaps it would remain so if I did not fight to keep wonder alive. I think a large part of what I wrote about in my stories has been not only for the future hope, the exploration of present beauty, but also to preserve the memories of the one that once was, my own childhood self. Undoubtedly, age, experience, and the raw brutality of life itself has altered me, and I cannot say whether or not is entirely for the better. I think I have developed more patience now, and that is a good thing. Patience is so much more than not getting frustrated when someone holds you up in line or something, though that is part of patience, patience is what allows for one to hold onto hope for seven years or more, to forgive, etc. Patience is more of a lifestyle than a moment lived, it is something that has to work itself through ones daily life and the whole of one’s way of life. But again, I am getting off subject.

I sometimes think, now that I look back upon it, that I was an odd sort of child. I do remember that I could be fiercely protective if I felt something was a threat to my friends or family. There is a small part of me that misses the recklessness this would give me, I feel now that I have no true conviction after learning time after time that my conviction was the wrong conviction, I hesitate to say that any conviction is worth fierceness. This isn’t right, and truly there are definitely things worth standing for. I know that. Curiously it isn’t the things I am against that I struggle with, it is the things that I love, including love itself that I have a hard time holding conviction towards. What I think it is is that I have fallen under the spell that somethings are too good to be true. I can’t exactly say when it happened, but I think I have at least a suspicion of well-intentioned but woefully misguided teachings in certain groups and such, some of which I had been sort of a part of. Not really paying super close attention, but still picking up things. Needless to say I think now that denying ones emotions is dangerous indeed. Sorry, sorry, getting off subject again. As it turns out the subject of one’s childhood affects one in many areas indeed.

It is a complex subject, true, one which could take the rest of my life to attempt to place into words. All in all, I still find myself asking what it is that is childhood, is it a set of years, or a state of mind? I think perhaps it is a bit of both, but there is certainly a point where we grow up, and wish to or not, become adults. I think perhaps what is perhaps best is to hold a measure of child-likeness, while fully embracing the adult self as well. It is not good to be a cranky old monster of an adult, nor a childish one, and it is a tragedy for a child to be forced into adulthood too soon. For myself, I sometimes feel as though my teenage years were lost to me, but I do not feel robbed of them, in some ways I am glad for it, that I had to grow up a little more quickly and face things I wasn’t ready for. I think it has given me an ability to understand other people a bit more, and because it seems as though they were lost to me, I understand the confusion of trying to make sense of everything, because some of these things were simply delayed a bit and I’ve had to face them much more recently. However, all in all, I feel ready to grow up, not to forget what it is like, but to move on myself to new places and responsibilities.

In short, the whole process of growing up from childhood to adulthood is a confusing one, and a journey that I think is different for every person, sometimes I feel like society expects a person’s personal development to be on schedule, and people grow up differently. They’re not cookie-cutter objects that behave exactly alike. Truth is, I’m still learning things, and finding things to be confusing, and still have places to grow up in myself. Perhaps we never really stop.

Day 5. square. (Post-A-Day)

Posted on February 5, 2014

50d13f0e8eb311e387440e846d77b329_8Square, initially I had no idea what to write about square, it is a shape, and a rather fine one too, but it is still just a square. I will keep this post short none the less, but I did have a few small thoughts on the subject after all.

Looking around for something to use for the attached photo proved that finding something square was more difficult than I thought it might be, most of the things around me are round or rectangular, very few square things actually. I suppose that is how things are in life, imagine what a squareness world would be like, it would be functional but it would feel like it is missing something I think. Squares are nice even if they are not as popular. There is a point to that, sometimes, I think that whatever the most popular idea is can kind of overtake the value in peoples eyes of the less popular things. In other words, rectangles are more popular than squares, that is true, but that doesn’t mean that the square doesn’t have value. I see this in discussions all the time, on a variety of subjects, it seems as though it is rectangle or no rectangle, there is no square. But a square is needed for rectangles to exist, you can’t go from a rectangle and resize it to a different rectangle without the possibility of making a square.

People talk about the prevailing view, or something of that nature, and then speak as if its popularity is authoritative enough for it to be presumed true. Not necessarily. That doesn’t mean of course that an idea is to be accepted just because it is unpopular, that can be a mistake too.

Granted we like in a world built upon assumptions, we have to assume certain things. Assumptions are not in and of themselves wrong, they’re necessary to make.

The point is, I think sometimes that we are more concerned with preserving our rectangles and our circles than admitting the possibility there might be squares.

Day 6. C is for… (Post-A-Day)

Posted on February 6, 2014

a01427568f7c11e3ab340ef324447c91_8Today’s topic is the letter C, and in particular I’m going to talk about things I like that start with that fine letter. Among them, is the cat. I am rather fond of the creature. And before I forget to mention it, the one in the picture is my Uncle’s cat, Whisper.

I have liked cats for years, and of all the animals it is probably the one I can ‘connect’ with most easily, I’ve never been one who connects with dogs easily, though I’m not afraid of them like I was as a child. I remember as a child if we went to places that had a dog, often times the people would put the dog in another part of the house because I would be rather afraid of them. I don’t remember if that was a problem once I had the opportunity to become well acquainted with the dog, I do not think so, as I do not remember being afraid of family dogs, and friends dogs who I saw very regularly. Cats however, I’ve always felt fairly comfortable around. Even now, I find I am more of what they call a ‘cat person’ than a ‘dog person’.

When I saw that this topic was coming up, I thought for sure I would be writing about ‘cute’ things, I’m not going to lie, I am rather fond of cute things. But, looking through my pictures, I realized that a cat was perfectly suitable for a subject. (A cat is nearly always suitable in my opinion.)

Other things I like that have to do with the letter C? Chocolate, coffee, cultures. And of course, other things as well, including Chinese related things.

Chocolate, chocolate is good. Sometimes, I think chocolate, properly applied, could change the world. If we could just sit down, like the Elves and Dwarves did, and drink hot chocolate together, and discuss things over hot chocolate, I think we would be far better off sharing our hot chocolate than we are sending missiles and such back and forth all the time. I do wish world leaders would switch their methods of solving their problems to the much more reasonable method of drinking hot chocolate together. It’s not that we can’t solve our problems in the world in such a reasonable manner, it’s that we won’t. There is all the difference in the world between can’t and won’t. Most of the time, I believe war is because of a “won’t” rather than a “can’t”. Aside from being a possible solution to the world’s problems, chocolate is an unquestionably delicious delicacy.

Coffee. I confess, I am rather fond of coffee, though the line between fondness and addiction is a bit blurry. What do I mean? I do like to drink coffee, but I’ve also discovered that if I go without it for a few days, I start craving it madly. I do wonder why I like it sometimes, it is such a bitter strange tasting drink that leaves a rather strong aftertaste, yet I keep coming back for more. I’ve been a tea drinker for years, but I think my coffee drinking habits started about the time I started going to my present church. It may or may not be related to that, but I do remember the discovery that if I drank coffee I was considerably more awake afterwards! I am so not a morning person. A bit of a zombie for the first several hours, which unfortunately, is when the church service takes place.

Cultures. This has been a somewhat longtime interest, but kind of a light vague interest for the most part until very recently, about the last year and a half, when I started learning languages. Now I feel a draw to other cultures that is almost akin to the feeling of forming a friendship with another person, or even a relationship of sorts. There is almost a love about it, very alike to what they describe as “falling in love” well, for me, it is kind of like that with cultures. Languages was the key, I think, that unlocked the door to a love of cultures, especially cultures apart from my own. Not that I wish to abandon my own culture completely, it’s more that I wish to learn how to improve it. I do see things in my own culture I dislike, and as I look about the world, I do see room for improvement in my own, and sometimes others. Nevertheless, both near and far, I do with to hold a sensitivity to other cultures and my own. I don’t want to be a ‘culture warrior’ against my own culture, and most certainly not against other cultures. I wish to improve what does need to be improved of course, injustices should be fought against of course, and sometimes the weight of the injustices should outweigh the importance of cultural sensitivity. It would be a greater offense, I think, and a crime against humanity itself, to ignore things in the name of cultural sensitivity that are without a doubt wrong or dreadfully harmful. I believe that some notions do need to be advanced, while at the same time, long held traditions and ways of life need to be respected. I do not wish to fight against those I disagree with so much as illuminate a brighter way, if that makes sense.

And last, but not least, I am interested in China, a result of trying to learn Mandarin Chinese has been the blossoming of a love for the culture of China. It is something that I did not really foresee, yet something that I think is to be with me for the rest of my life. I set out to learn French, and I have learned a little French, that is true, but I did not expect my nearly lifelong desire to learn French to turn to a passionate love of China and the Chinese culture. Learning about it has been a joy, and I very much hope that I can visit it at some point in the future. It is one thing to learn about a place, a culture, a people. It is quite another to experience it for oneself.

Day 7. utensil. (Post-A-Day)

Posted on February 7, 2014

ab892bb4903911e3878a121cc321c01d_8The topic for today is utensil and while I am rather fond of spatulas and was going to talk about Count Spatula who, the vampire spatula who lives high in his cupboard. However, I then remembered my book character Pistachio the Pirate with his Bowl and Two Spoons flag. Spoons are utensils, so it seemed both unique and appropriate.

I didn’t even think to post my particular favorite eating utensil: The chopstick, despite that I’m still learning how to eat with them, I prefer the chopstick to the fork most of the time. (I think I’m using them right, but it can hard to be sure from just watching instructional videos on YouTube and such.)

But, the point of the post is not chopsticks or vampire spatulas, it is not really about utensils at all but a book character: Pistachio the Pirate is one of my earliest characters, and I think he came out of a conversation between my sister and I years ago, I do not remember what the deal was, but essentially, he was a Pirate who would seek after Pistachio Pudding and having Pistachio as his name. I suppose he’s not technically a pirate, seeing as he never really does pillage and plunder, he’s more of a free-spirited ‘hero’ of sorts, traveling around in his magical ship, The Sapphire, pursuing villains and seeking justice for the oppressed. He’s a bit eccentric, I suppose, and has been known to start yodeling in Irish Pubs. His ship lacks a plank, something one of my other characters teases him about constantly. “What sort of pirate are you? You don’t even have a plank! You should be ashamed of yourself, besmirching the names of pirates everywhere!” despite his protest that lots of pirates didn’t have planks, a protest that seems to fall on deaf ears.

I’ve not written about him lately, which is a bit too bad, he is a fun character even if most scenes that he is involved in become a bit awkward. Which is part of the humor I suppose, and lets face it, in life there is nearly always that one person who does things a little differently, shall we say. It adds to the believability, I think, to have a character who isn’t well mannered all of the time.

So, that’s why Pistachio the Pirate is one of my favorites, he doesn’t always do what one expects.

Day 8. water. (Post-A-Day)

Posted on February 8, 2014

929b6aca911711e383400e257587a6a0_8Water, the topic for the day is water. To be honest, I am unsure of what to say regarding it. It is something that is fairly necessary for life. I rather dislike the word itself, ‘water’ it has such a harsh, weird sort of sound to it. I like the Mandarin Chinese word for it, 水 (Shuǐ), better in terms of sound. Aside from that, however, I really do not know what to say in regard to water, so I am afraid this will be exceedingly short.

All in all, I have to say that it is interesting how much is symbolized by water, in some stories it is an element of sorts, in some it is seen as a death of sorts, and even in the great story, water is important, for example in the baptism.

There is also an element of washing, of cleansing, refreshing, and such that is represented by water.

It is gentle enough to barely bend a blade of grass, or cause a leaf to twitch, yet can be ferocious enough to destroy mountains.

It is the same water.

It’s also good for tea, but that’s another story. :-)

Day 9. details. (Post-A-Day)

Posted on February 9, 2014

7e408f5a91e011e3a3e312f545262070_8Details, those little things that make up the bigger things. We all have to deal with the details. Even so, sometimes it can be rather like, details, details, please, don’t bother me with the details. We say that, but rarely do we really mean it, I suppose. What we usually mean is please, I’m so overwhelmed with the information I feel like my head’s going to implode, a bit at a time please!

To get things done, often one must do so step by step. Whether one is taking a journey, or putting a puzzle together, very rarely does one attempt to do the whole thing all at once. Usually the puzzle doesn’t fit together so well and the journey ends in disaster. Doing things by focusing on a detail at a time is important. The question is, why do I have a hard time remembering that! Instead I look at all I have to do, like writing a blog post, for instance, and I get overwhelmed by the thought of it, instead of simply focusing on writing something, even if it’s done a sentence at a time. Also, I need not make every post three thousand words in length, something I am trying to be a bit better at. Though there is a certain sense of satisfaction in such long-winded post, I admit. A proof that I am capable of saying something, at any rate.

It’s been a pretty quiet day, and I’ve not really gotten too much done, except for finishing a book I didn’t particularly enjoy but didn’t want to leave half-finished. I keep waking up way too early and am feeling rather tired the rest of the day as a result. Which is annoying, but not unexpected. Details, I tend to avoid talking about them. I may talk in generics about what is happening, but I left out a lot of the details. I didn’t say what time I got up, or what the book was, and so forth.

Details, sometimes, you hardly notice them, other times, you just omit them, but the details are there whether they are acknowledged or not.

Day 10. i am… (Post-A-Day)

Posted on February 10, 2014

69f13d8a92a111e3a8e2125bf1c10974_8I am… Human. Plain and simple, a human being. That may perhaps seem obvious, but it is something I think we need to fight to recognize from our earliest days. I think that many things fight against our recognizing us for what we are. You hear teachings that humans can be gods or that humans are monsters all the time. I ask, however, what is wrong with simply being a human being? There is no shame in being a human being, it is a beautiful thing to be. In my opinion, it may take work to recognize that, perhaps most especially, in ourselves, but also in others. It is something that we sometimes forget to stop and wonder at. Think about it, what is humanity? I should think it to be the most glorious thing in all creation, and as such, it something to be valued. Look out upon the stars, and as glorious as the heavens are, that is nothing to what it is that you are, you are a human being.

I may seem a little extreme perhaps to say this, but in my opinion, before we are anything else, be it ethnicity or gender, the color of one’s skin, who one’s ancestors were or were not, were we come from, or what have you, we are human beings first. To see yourself as human first, and to see others as human first, really removes any foundation for prejudice or bigotry and so forth. I am human, and I am a human first. I do not wish to be labeled into some neat little box, other than human. Human, and human alone is what I am.

I am… Human.

Day 11. mistake. (Post-A-Day)

Posted on February 11, 2014

25aa14fc935b11e3ac3e12e658c54b75_8Mistakes happen, and we know this. Yet, we tend to expect perfection, both in ourselves and in others. And while it is true that perhaps perfection has its place, mistakes give us an opportunity to learn things we might not know if we always did things right on our first try, never failed at anything, and so forth. There is nothing wrong with striving for perfection, it is when we cannot accept failure as a means of progress that we err. Mistakes happen, we should learn from them. It is difficult, I suppose, and I too am still learning to learn from my mistakes rather than letting my mistakes define me, as if they were some external force or something. No, they are something to learn from. It’s not always easy to learn from our mistakes I admit. A lot of times we’re too wrapped up in our error to understand anything other than something is wrong with whatever it was that we were working on.

Even if you fall, you can still get up, and try again. This too is hard, it may seem easier to quit I suppose, or like me, tend to not even start for fear of failing at it, but the one good thing about falling is that you may get up and try again, and often you’ve learned something from your fall that you did not know before.

Day 12. out + about. (Post-A-Day)

Posted on February 12, 2014

c20de8a0941e11e399bb122faec0aa0b_8Out and about. Most weeks, I probably would be out and about today, however, I stayed home this week. But, I have more than a few pictures from previous venturings, so it’s not a big deal. In the photo, I was standing atop the roof of a nearby building, quite short by most cities standards, but one of the taller ones in this city, still high enough for an enchanting view. There is a certain thing about being above the places you’re familiar with from the ground that leaves one feeling a sense of freedom of sorts. Almost as though one has left one’s cares on the ground. it is a nice perspective, but I do not often have the opportunities to be that high up.

Sometimes it is like that, in order to get a better feel for something you need to step away from it and take a good look at it from afar. Sometimes things in life do require closer attention, but most of the time, there is a benefit in stepping back and looking at the whole picture. Sometimes we get so caught up in the little details of something that we forget the bigger picture, and most of the time, the bigger picture is the thing we set out to accomplish in the first place. Again, attention to detail is a good thing, but giving our souls to the details at the cost of everything else is not.

Cities are interesting, we build them, and have been building them for thousands of years, and for good reason, I believe that humans are fundamentally social creatures, we actually need each other, not just for survival, but because it is a fundamental human need to be with other people. Cities are were the majority of the planet’s population lives. And even outside the cities, most people have a community of some sort, whether it is their family, or their neighbors, there usually some sort of community involved wherever humans are found. Occasionally you might find someone who is isolated, but in general, humans are found near other humans.

I used to like to play SimCity 2000, an old version of a series that, as far as I know, is still going on, but I haven’t really kept up with it since then except for the 3000 version, which I didn’t like as much. But, it was fun to manage the city. It was a game, but I was surprised at how I would learn things from it that I would then look at things in real cities and start looking for ways that actual cities could be improved upon. Games do tend to be that way, if you pay attention, they are very effective teachers. Gaming is often a way of preparing for real-world situations, though when I say gaming, a far better term would be playing. Play is absolutely crucial to our development, and it is something we should not grow out of, playing is how we figure out to resolve problems before we actually encounter the problem. Gaming is certainly a part of that. One of the things I’ve neglected too much lately is taking the time to play. It’s one thing to study a lot, but you also have to play with it, or it’s all for naught! We learn by playing much more than we learn by study, though study is a part of learning, and extremely important, it is more often better thought of as a means to an end rather than the end itself. Play on the other hand is both a means and an end. So for goodness sake, go out and play!

I’m afraid this is to be a bit of a random post, but I’m fine with that!

Day 13. perfect. (Post-A-Day)

Posted on February 13, 2014

4072676894f411e3aee71284e9aa6fe5_8Perfection eludes us, though we find hints of it, we find we rarely ever find it. It isn’t that perfection doesn’t exist, we just happen to live in a world where perfection is elusive. Yet, despite it’s elusive nature, that does not mean we should not strive to seek it. In the seeking of perfection we find a great deal of goodness, and beauty, and hope. So while perfection itself, is a noble destination, the journey there is also of importance, and we are better suited for the perfection at the end for having to chase after it, rather than having it easily within our grasp.

Perfection, is a word that we use to describe things that are without flaw, or are in short, perfect. Perfection is something we wish to be, yet fear to claim for ourselves, and are slow to bestow upon others. Very rarely does a person have the ability to look upon someone and consider them, in their heart, a perfect person.

I think that true perfection is impossible to find, in this world, but by no means does that mean that it doesn’t exist. This world, after all, is a smaller part of a bigger story, and it is in the bigger story where true perfection is found. That doesn’t mean this world isn’t important, it is of immense importance to the Universe, and beyond. It is a land where we pass through, and is both home, and not home. It is a land of shadows, and is as a mirror. It reflects a truer place. Perfection is a desire we seek to see in part because the eternity that is set within the heart, we may not know exactly how to place it into words, or what it even looks like, but we seek after perfection in the pursuit of something we are not always aware that we are searching for. In many ways, the pursuit of perfection is but the echo of eternity, and our hearts seek what we are not aware of, but wish to find.

Day 14. heart. (Post-A-Day)

Posted on February 14, 2014

633b810295bd11e3aecf0ac913b3a2f4_8Heart is the word we use as a term to express the most vital part of someone, or something, it is in reference to one of are most important body parts, the heart. It is also what we call that hard-to-describe center of ourselves that we can’t really put a name on, but it’s that central part of ourselves, the true self you might even say.

You might say that we feel with our heart, and we know things, with our heart, almost as much as we do with our minds. Sometimes, our minds haven’t quite caught up to the revelations of the heart, and we find ourselves surprised, sometimes for the good, sometimes for the bad, by what we find when it does.

I used to subscribe to the notion that the heart couldn’t be trusted, but I do not think that to be the case anymore, at least in so far as much as it can be said that the mind can’t be trusted. It’s healthy to hold a measure of distrust of one’s own thoughts, be they of the heart or the mind, it’s quite unhealthy to blacklist the whole heart or mind. Yet, I think a lot of people do exactly that, and it is hard, and it doesn’t make one humble, it makes one cold, stone cold, and dead. A person is a living creature, our hearts are meant to live.

I am not even sure I can say that all hearts do not have some measure of life to them, some say that only the redeemed heart is living, and I understand what is meant by that, but it is another thing entirely to say that absolutely nothing good dwells in all hearts, which is the essence of what is being said. I disagree, if nothing good was in all hearts, there wouldn’t be a point to do anything other than the worship of oneself, but that’s not what I see, to some degree, I see widely among people from all sorts of backgrounds, sacrificial love, and genuine joy. Things that can only come from a heart. Nor do I subscribe to the notion that the motives were somehow always fundamentally selfish, and were only done for outward appearances and so forth. To my mind to suggest that people cannot be good, in any state, is to pose a challenge to the nature of goodness itself.

The heart is what I see as the central part of the person, though in some cultures it has even been regarded as the nose rather than the heart, so it isn’t a universal notion that the heart is our central part by any means. I’m sure it’s been one thing or another throughout the ages. To our fatalistic modern view of things, it tends to be the brain, but it almost is on a very cold and dead sort of level that it is regarded as such, a mere collection of chemicals and nothing more, here for a bit, and then to rot. Kind of depressing really.

A heart is an amazing subject, if nothing else. One of the things in this world that last forever, is the heart, after all.

Day 15. my drink of choice. (Post-A-Day)

Posted on February 15, 2014

ade91dd0968611e3a520120efe0b0f31_8My particular drink of choice? Probably tea, just because, and this sounds so weak against the backdrop of all that I just said, I like the amount of choices in flavors and such. Coffee being a second, or sort of equal choice, due to the wide spectrum of what it does when it’s roasted to different amounts and such, for having such a similar fundamental flavor it really does have a lot of subtile changes in how it taste, but I’ve yet to find a coffee that isn’t coffee tasting. Tea, I’ve had some green teas that do not taste anything like black tea or white tea, yet it is all still the same tea leaf.


I could talk about more wonderful things, but to be honest, I have to ask, in our drink of choice, is it really blood we thirst for? Almost all our drinks, including water itself, have some violation of human rights attached to it in some fashion or another. Tea and coffee are stained with slavery, water is taken from those who already don’t have access to clean water to be bottled and sold. I don’t know enough about alcohol, I do not drink it myself, but if we will harm for something like tea or water, I have no doubt that we will harm for something that is addictive, it can be fairly safely assumed that there are abundant violations of human rights in the alcohol industry as well.

Tea is interesting, half the world’s problems in the last five hundred years have had something to do with it. Tea has left quite a dark stain on the world indeed. The history connected with the drink leaves a bitter taste in a different sense. So much for being the solution to all problems, quite the contrary, it seems to be the culprit that shaped our insane world to this day, and I am not happy with the way I see the world’s nations going. I wonder, what will be the next ‘thing’ that sends the world into chaos. Last time the planet drowned in a cup of tea. What’s it going to be this time? For awhile it seemed like oil perhaps, but I’m not so sure that really will be the case. I don’t know, and I’m not happy with it. No matter how you cut it, it seems that greed is at the heart of it. History does hold a tendency to repeat itself, but then, so do historians. In spite of the dark aspects of the history of the tea trade, I still am rather fond of the drink.

Coffee isn’t free from a dark history, and both tea and coffee are still marred by slavery and such to this day.

The problems of drinks are not just that Starbucks isn’t found in my particular city. They has centuries of war and death attached to them, and yet I still like my coffee and tea, and probably will continue to do so. I have to ask myself though, am I a culprit of some future war by drinking them?

The thing is, people will do anything for addictions, and some substances are highly addictive, a common thread throughout most trade is substances that are just this kind. People like to say some absurd nonsense about being able to do what they want to themselves ‘as long as they’re not harming somebody else’ the problem is, you can’t even drink water without harming somebody else in this world, not to mention addictive substances. If tea could set the world into chaos, imagine the results of our current ‘anything is acceptable if it makes me happy’ attitude to these things. I shudder to think of it. Has it ever occurred to folks that there are more important things than one’s own present happiness? Like having a planet to live on in the future for instance…

Day 16. create. (Post-A-Day)

Posted on February 16, 2014

864bc194976511e3a91412128f76ceb1_8There is something about us, as people, that likes to create things. I suppose it is our desire to partake of our own story. We are after all images of the creator, it is only nature that we should seek to create things ourselves, it is one of the things that is at the very core of human nature, to create things, to make things for the sake of art. It is a wonderful thing, I think, and something you do not see a lot of elsewhere. Where does this desire to create things come from? From an early age our imaginations seem intent on creating things, on leaving some memoir of our passing through. I do not think it is attributable to simply being afraid of obscurity, it is much more than that. Sure, that can be a motivating factor, but it does not tend to be one that produces great art. I believe it to be due to the matter of being created in the image of God, that we have it built into us as part of our very nature to be what some have called ‘sub-creators’ and I think that is an excellent description of what we are.

It is a curious thing that we have this drive within us to leave the world more beautiful than we found it. Sometimes I think we get accustomed to thinking that everything must have a survival function of some sort, but I have to ask, why do we try to beautify our world? If anything, it is something that fights against survival, it uses resources and calls attention, but we’ve done it for thousands of years. Why do we create things? And why do we seek, passionately for some of us, to leave the world more beautiful than we found it? I think it is because we are created beings ourselves that we seek to do so, even though not all of us would realize that is why we seek it.

We must create, it’s in our nature.

Day 17. vegetable. (Post-A-Day)

Posted on February 17, 2014

ad7c2024982311e3a785129179c830b0_8What does one say about the subject of vegetables? There are of course many things that we could say, we could talk about vegetarianism and you could do so from many philosophical, nutritional, and even religious perspectives. There has been a great deal that has been said about the subject of vegetables and whether to eat, or not to eat them, throughout the ages.

While I’m not sure if it is technically a vegetable, I have chocolate as the picture. After all, it’s closer to a vegetable than not, it is a plant and not an animal. It’s not like there are herds of chocolate bars that are ranched on chocolate farms like sheep, goats, or cows. I’m not sure whether it is technically a fruit or a vegetable, but whatever it is, there are quite a few people who seem to enjoy the stuff. Myself included. Though all humor aside, I’m sure if there were chocolate farms, the chocolate wouldn’t be very well treated, just like sheep, goats, cows and such are not very well treated on some farms. Actually, the sad truth is, a lot of chocolate has an even worse aspect than that: Slavery, including child slavery is high in the chocolate industry. Welcome to the modern world and all it’s ‘wonders’. I bring up the subject a lot, but I do not have a lot of solutions to present, it is worth looking up information about where your food comes from when you can. I hope that in the future I can find more chocolate that I can be assured of is free of it, most of the ‘known’ brands seem to be tainted, not sure about the one in the picture. Though not all are, and it is hard to keep track of which one is which unless it’s certified to be free right on the label itself, which few are. I may have a few options, but most are short-term or unreliably available options without a substitute available, plus it’s nearly impossible to find chocolate that doesn’t have soy in it these days, there are a few, but they can be very difficult to find or are just not that high-quality a chocolate.

In regard to other vegetables, I have to say, that I tend to enjoy eating vegetables quite a bit, and if there is one section at Wegman’s I could get lost in trying to figure which one I would like, it’s the produce department. Vegetables really are quite delicious.

Day 18. magic. (Post-A-Day)

Posted on February 18, 2014

15a1249698e311e398851245b7a783e5_8Today’s subject is magic, not my favorite topic, though it is a word I use in my stories to describe the abilities of my characters, but is more of a placeholder word for whatever it is that they can accomplish, not really a magical thing. However, I think there is a magic of sorts to reading, and writing. The creation of stories and the reading of stories can transport one to another world, and through the characters of those stories both the reader and the writer is likewise transformed as the character goes through their particular journey. That is in a sense, a magical thing, or at least magical works as a word to describe it.

I enjoy creating stories and telling stories, but almost more, I enjoy partaking of them. One of my favorite methods for learning languages is to watch foreign films or television, or films that happen to have a relevant language to what I’m learning as a language option. Disney has a number of their films with French as an option, thank you Disney! Sometimes the stories I encounter in other languages are so interesting that I forget I’m watching it to practice language. Perhaps this is best, language learning should be fun.

I’m not a huge fan of magic, in general, though I like fantasy, I still like magic’s twin brother, science, better, and in some cases I despise both. Science is good, but I don’t think science should trump all things, there are things that science has no business in, and the triumph of science over all things tends to lead to more harm than good.

Day 19. feet. (Post-A-Day)

Posted on February 19, 2014

28134eb6999611e3a2180ed42c4d86e6_8Today the subject is feet. I’ve got two of them, last I checked. A left one and a right one, though as I have not studied dance extensively it may be argued that I have two left feet if I tried. I stand firm, I have a left one and a right one, with or without the dancing.

Throughout the ages feet have generally been regarded in different ways, shoes have been a popular item for thousands of years by many cultures, however, and for good reason. They are a simple but useful way of protecting oneself from numerous hazards, I certainly wouldn’t want to go into some places without them, and I’ve always been one to disregard shoes when possible. I was surprised to learn that this is a bit unusual in my culture. I’ve nearly always taken my shoes off when I visit other peoples houses, so I was a bit surprised to learn how one complaint folks have about Americans is how they don’t take their shoes off in houses. I’m sure there are numerous exceptions to that, and perhaps the complainers happen to have had a good run of shoe wearing Americans rather than shoe removing ones. Still, I do often notice a disregard for culture sensitivity in my own culture, and whether its ignorance or arrogance can be hard to discern at times. I honestly don’t mind criticizing my own cultures absurdities, and harshly if they are harmful. In general, it’s probably best to take your shoes off even in America. I enjoy wearing Converse shoes.

Lets see, we’ve not talked about socks have we? Well, now we have, but that’s beside the point. Socks are useful for keeping your feet warm in the winter, but I’m not sure what else. I prefer the brightly colored kind, but somehow I seem to end up with an abundance of black socks in my sock collection.

Feet is also used in reference to a unit of measure. English… Such a strange little language.

Day 20. peace. (Post-A-Day)

Posted on February 20, 2014

32011be89a6c11e3b7fd123d3be4afff_8Peace is a difficult concept to define. In some ways peace can be defined more easily by what it is not. In other ways, it must be defined by what it is. It can be the absence of trouble, or it can be the ability to withstand trouble. It can be a state that is external or it can be a state that is internal. Yet, it is hard to define exactly what it is, and why we seek it. Most of the time we do not fight wars for the violence of the thing, but in the hope, faint though it may be, for some sort of peaceful state of our particular nation or what have you. Not in all cases, as sometimes wars are for conquering and such. We know we live in a troubled world, and peace may be so hard to define because the troubled world is the only world we know.

Peace is externally, I suppose, a state of being absent from immediate threats, and the need to defend against them. Internally, however, peace is harder to find, but I think in the end, is something that comes with contentment.

I think peace is something that we do seek after, and all in all, it is a good thing. Yet, the seeking of safety is often harmful in itself, and leads to a state that is anything but peaceful. Something that has been seen throughout the ages in paranoid governments, usually to their own undoing. Safety is not often a good thing to seek after, even if you achieve some state you regard as safe, you’ll usually find you wasted a lot of opportunities for something more. Peace is different than safety I think in that there is a vulnerability to it, where safety just keeps placing more walls up until one is trapped in their own little prison.

Day 21. funny. (Post-A-Day)

Posted on February 22, 2014

e72b35049b3d11e3a1b60e9511671a79_8Sorry this is a day late, the basement flooded and I haven’t had a internet connections except for on my phone, which I have a hard time getting to work with wordpress sometimes.

Funny, I am, I admit, rather fond of humor. The more the merrier when I can get away with it. I like to make people laugh, I think, and am somewhat easily amused at times. Though not always. Curiously, when it comes to your average comedy performance, not a peep is gotten out of me, I guess it’s not my kind of funny, or something. I tend to find things that were not meant to be funny to be hysterical, and am somber in those things which were meant to be funny. For example I often find eccentric behavior of video game characters due to a slight software glitch to be funny, like in the game Aragorn’s Quest when Legolas announced the presence of a scout when we were standing in front of a wall, the scout could not be seen from that spot, even by those Elf Eyes that Aragorn refers to. For the next five minutes I was laughing about Legolas and his ‘X-Ray vision!’ and how now we know what ‘Elf Eyes’ are. Two hours of one comedian’s performing did not get a single laugh out of me, and that is pretty typical for me and comedians whenever I have seen them. I think different people find different things to be funny, sometimes the things that trigger it for a person are rather odd in and of themselves and to someone else there would be nothing remotely funny about it.

I’ve heard it said that one of the safest forms of humor is to make fun of yourself, which I have to say is probably a good form, as it requires enough self-confidence to laugh at your own absurdity, and is something that is universally related to. Humor that is not directed towards yourself is often quite offensive to someone of another culture context. I like humor, but I don’t like to offend unnecessary. A negative example of such humor: One time I heard a preacher crack a joke about a religion, and how one had a deity that to him looked like Spongebob Squarepants the cartoon figure. Unknown to him, there was someone in the area who happened to subscribe to the religion he was poking fun at, it was done for the purpose of a joke, but it left the person quite offended, and understandably so. It was an unnecessary offense, and not at all culturally sensitive to those who were listening. Even if you believe other religions are wrong, and your religion is right, humor is not a good method for saying so. Unfortunately, making fun of things we disagree with is fairly normal. I do it too, mostly in regard to politics I disagree with. In a religious context, however, it can be damning and the cost is simply too high to justify it’s use, if what you believe is true. It is something shameful to do. In my opinion if one truly believes that their way is right, why waste breath tearing others down like that to get a few laughs from people who agree with the scorning and mockery?

Enough of the complaining, it is true, humor is often abused, and nearly to the point that humor itself has a bad name. Still, despite that, I like to make people laugh, and that is what I attempt to do whenever possible. Yet, I find that people do not tend to laugh a lot around me, so I probably have a great deal of work to do. I do get told on occasion that someone finds me funny, I like that and find it to be one of the nicest of compliments, and I like that there are people who actually get my humor. Sometimes I say something that is intended to be funny and I feel like I am taken completely seriously even though the content is completely absurd. Questions like: “I have a computer shaped like a box, does that make me a Madman with a box? Or am I just a man with a box? Which would be boring.” (The Doctor in Doctor Who, calls himself ‘A madman with a box’ in a episode or two.) It’s not a question that is meant to be taken completely seriously.

Day 22. an act of kindness. (Post-A-Day)

Posted on February 22, 2014

f573a4a49c0311e3be45126b40d57598_8An act of kindness, sometimes an act of kindness can change someone’s day, and sometimes, even someone’s life. Never underestimate the power of an act of kindness, even if it is something small, it may make a huge difference to someone. Some of the most powerful things that have had an impact upon me have been small acts of kindness extended to me, at times, I do not even think the person was aware of their doing so, they were just doing their own thing. They were just being themselves.

Acts of kindness can be a smile, a word of encouragement, and sometimes just saying hello. It can come in the form of helping someone, or offering to help even. I like encouraging people, but even so, there have been a number of times when someone has mentioned that I was a ‘real encouragement’ to them, and I really didn’t set out to be an encouragement, I just was being myself. I was completely unaware of it sometimes. I hope that this is how I am normally. I know I am often quite touched by kind words said about me, or to me.

Kindness is a beautiful thing, and I do think it doesn’t mean that we have to be in perfect agreement, we can be kind to those we disagree with. Sometimes I think we think that we can only be kind if we are in agreement, but I don’t think that is true, we should be kind even if we do not agree. It seems like we tend to believe that if you disagree with somebody, you have to be unkind towards them. At the same time we also tend to believe that to be kind we have to agree with someone, but that isn’t true either. We should be able to hold to a conviction while still remaining kind. Perhaps it is not just about kindness, but also human decency as well. Kindness demands that we treat others with dignity.

Day 23. this is where i relax! (Post-A-Day)

Posted on February 23, 2014

67186b909cd511e3bb44125da3cb3f33_8I like coffee shops. Honestly, I like watching the nearly constant hustle and bustle of the costumers coming in and out, and the stream of new activity and such. Apparently I do visit it quite often, but it is an excellent place for getting stuff done. Provided I do not get too sidetracked by facebook or some other such service. My particular favorite is one that goes by the name of The Riverbend, which is a small local coffee shop, but I’ll take a Starbucks when I find them.

I find it relaxing, but for all that I have not written a lot of my stories there, the activity, while stimulating to my creativity, is almost too much to really concentrate on the scene at hand. I’ve written some stuff, but as most of it requires heavily relying upon memories of things I’ve written, sometimes years prior, I usually need a place a little quieter. Still, I find it perfect for other thins, and I like the slight sense of pressure to finish more quickly so the table can be freed for other customers, that helps me focus better than trying to do it at home where all I can think about sometimes is that I’m tired and can hardly keep my eyes open. In an odd way the hustle and bustle at the cafe is more relaxing than trying to stay awake.

Outside the cafe, I think I find playing Video Games to be the most relaxing activity, which takes place usually in our living room or the kitchen, depending on how cold it is. It’s significantly warmer in the kitchen so sometimes we will set up the television there in the winter.

Another relaxing place is in the woods, but sometimes it’s rather muddy or there are bullets flying everywhere. (Stupid hunting season!) So, that’s not always a relaxing place.

That’s about it, for the moment. :-)

Day 24. half. (Post-A-Day)

Posted on February 24, 2014

001e9cca9d8e11e3b08f0ef35654c932_8A half implies a whole. A whole can usually become half. A half is not a half unless there is a whole, but a whole can be whole without a half. But there are precious few things that cannot be made a half from a whole, though sometimes you have to break them to do it.

Yet there are also things that are distinct and yet are not comprised of halves. For example, it could be said that I am not half body, half spirit, in nature as a human being, I am fully body and fully spirit.

And in the spirit of halves, I’m going to keep this post absurdly short.

Day 25. cut. (Post-A-Day)

Posted on February 25, 2014

tumblr_n1kgr2XM821qm6kn9o1_500Nothing to say about this topic really, nothing that I can think of that I would use the word cut for in a positive sense except for perhaps in movie making. That would work, though it is only very loosely connected to it, and even then, is a bit of a negative, considering that a lot of great scenes are often cut out of a film, there have been so many deleted scenes that would have been far better left in.

Film is a good medium, and I do not forget that it was film that introduced me to language, which I rather enjoy. It is something I have wanted to do myself for some years, but never really attempted pursuing with any seriousness. I suppose once I consider the reality of it, there is one particular problem that I haven’t been able to get around, and that is not having something to film, or someone. I haven’t given up on the notion, but realize that is not something that is currently feasible. I might be better off finding an existing project to invest myself in, though to be honest, I haven’t found one that would work, or is something I would consider appropriate for me, etc. I probably am just not looking hard enough. I do that, I make assumptions that blind me, and talk myself out of possibilities before I actually investigate them.

It is funny, because I feel like I’ve spent a lot of the time studying and such, when I think back on the past year, I feel like nothing happened, though in reality a lot of things happened, it just seems that last February was like a week ago. It seems at times that ideas and projects and goals get cut off as new things come along. That is normal I suppose. Yet, sometimes it is frustrating, I finally pieced together almost everything I needed to start playing music after about six or seven years of training and acquiring equipment, only to find one, I didn’t have anyone else to play music with and two, I started writing and music kind of fell by the wayside to make way for a long march of words. Now, after writing roughly twenty novels, I find the writing too is making way for something else, languages. I hesitate to invest into film when all that it involves will suffer from the same difficulties I faced in music, and I will probably not be that much better off for it. Perhaps I am just taking a wrong view of things, I’ve known of many, many, other people who have tried it, sometimes with the same difficulties and they have produced several wonderful works despite all that.

For me, I think I get a bit frustrated because I seriously don’t know that even if I live to an old age, I do not see how I am going to have enough time to complete all the projects I come up with to do. When you study almost every day for a year and a half it makes life seem to short to repeat it many-fold times over. Not to mention that lives are often cut short.

I suppose there is value in pruning, which I suppose is under the cutting category, sometimes a plant or a project carefully pruned can be more beautiful in the end for it.

Day 26. light. (Post-A-Day)

Posted on February 26, 2014

f7ed81549ee311e39b8212c6d7e511b6_8Light is an interesting subject, it is something that we tend to be familiar with to the point of noticing its absence when it is not found more than we notice it in itself. It is like a song we’ve heard all our lives, we do not hear it, but if it ceased the silence would reveal its absence.

We know light by its absence in many ways more than we know light for itself, if we found ourselves in a world of darkness, we’d notice it much more readily. Yet, at the same time, the light can be hard to notice and it is the shadows that catch our eyes.

How does one explain light? To be honest, aside from that it has something to do with electromagnetic waves and such I find it rather confusing. There will of course be arguments about the exact nature of it, some say it is always the same, others suggest it changes, I just know I see better with the light on and do not care much how fast it goes the vast majority of the time.

Light is often used figuratively as well, usually as a representation of something good. (At least in western culture. Not sure about others.)

I was kind of looking forward to this post, but now that it’s here, I’m completely blank about what to say. Hate it when that happens.

Day 27. my view today. (Post-A-Day)

Posted on February 27, 2014

674310f69fe211e3b149127a02d3ccc9_8My view today, like many days, I’ve gotten up, I’ve grabbed a bite to eat for breakfast, and checked some websites to see if there is anything new. Got ready, left, stopped for coffee. Which is where I am now. After that, I’ll spend a bit of time shopping for tonight’s dinner, and then return home. Cook dinner, do some studying, work a little on various projects, and probably try to find something to eat at some point. If the pattern follows what it has been, I’ll have a hard time falling asleep until late, late, late, and finally will repeat the whole process all over again.

One side of my personality: I do not like repetitiveness. I hate repetitiveness, and I think if it wasn’t for the fact that I need to eat and sleep for the sake of survival, I would find it too repetitive an activity.

On the other side of my personality: I like repeating things if I have a mindset that is intent upon re-experiencing a pleasant memory, and can hold almost a sentimentality about things, I will actively seek to repeat something that I associate with pleasant experiences, if I’m in the mood for it. If I’m not in the mood, even the most pleasurable experiences are too repetitive and feel vain and empty.

I am glad the month is almost over, I thought that having a set topic everyday would help, but it hasn’t, I feel very frustrated with writing these post now that the end of the month is here, and if not for the fact that tomorrow is the last day, I would consider abandoning the project, but that would be stupid now, what with one post left after this one. I would have thought the boundaries would help me, but I think that in the end, I do not work well within the confines of rules and such. I never did, and I knew that, I am better when I walk on my own road, doing my own thing, I do not work well inside boxes. I never have worked well inside boxes, something which has made many of my attempts to involve myself in things a little difficult. I am never content to not ask questions, nor do I wish to simply silence doubts. The result is having to face ideas and thoughts and journey on roads that many do indeed fear to tread, and many never do. Sometimes I do wish I could have a quiet mind, just for a bit. Thinking outside the box tends to be quite lonely, and perhaps that is why it is so much more comfortable for folks to work within boxes, but once I hit the walls, I am anything but comfortable. I should not be surprised that classroom settings were never pleasant experiences for me, despite my love of learning, and my enjoyment of being around people.

I suppose that is my view today.

Day 28. reflection. (Post-A-Day)

Posted on February 28, 2014

70841ceca0bd11e3a591125a4e142759_81. you – 2. favorite

3. something orange

4. childhood – 5. square

6. C is for… – 7. utensil – 8. water

9. details – 10. i am…

11. mistake – 12. out + about

13. perfect – 14. heart

15. my drink of choice

16. create –17. vegetable – 18. magic – 19. feet – 20. peace – 21. funny

22. an act of kindness – 23. this is where i relax! – 24. half – 25. cut – 26. light

27. my view today – 28. reflection.

This has been an interesting month, but I am glad that it is over, upon reflection, I did not enjoy the post a day or the photo a day challenge quite nearly as much as I thought I would, and to be honest, the project has left me feeling rather discouraged much more than encouraged, as I have not liked the results of my efforts, and while I succeeded in my goals, I am not happy with the results. It felt like, especially in the later half of the month due to a number of unfortunate but relatively minor calamities about the house and such that I found the idea of pouring my thoughts into a blog post to be more an idea of dread than something I actually wished to do, and in that, I have not really put as much of my heart and soul into my writing as I would wish to do so. However, I am glad that despite the fact that last thing I felt like doing, was writing, I wrote something anyways. Yes, a lot of it is, I’ll admit, not my best work, but I am happy with the fact that I did write when I did not feel like writing. That is something, and upon reflection, I would say that it has not been a wasted effort.

Reflecting on things can be very valuable, and one of things that makes it so valuable is that we can learn from ourselves. It can also be very uncomfortable. You have to face yourself, and that includes the things about yourself that you are afraid of, or simply do not like. Reflecting on them can be a painful experience, but it proves valuable, or maddening. It’s not without its risk, and reflecting upon yourself can induce a madness of sorts, I’ve thought myself into states of absolute discouragement before. Self-reflection is very much like going to war with yourself, and sometimes it does hurt. Yet, it can also lead to greater victories than one can imagine if they did not take the time to challenge themselves in that internal battle.

Reflection is honestly a dangerous activity, yes, but just because something is dangerous doesn’t mean that is evil, or should be avoided. Sometimes battles do need to be fought, sometimes dangers do need to be faced. Sometimes dangerous is a good thing. Danger is not something we should avoid at all cost, nor is safety all that we should seek. We were born to face danger, to survive, to live. We are made in the image of a God that is not safe, we are not robotic beings, we are supposed to be dangerous in a sense. Reflection is one of the means in which we face the greatest danger we will ever face, and that is ourselves, but that doesn’t mean we should run from it, or that because it is dangerous that it is something evil or wrong. We are human, and to be human is the most incredible thing in all the Universe.